(No photo today. I really can’t find one that illustrates this adequately)
Yesterday I missed out on 90,000 USD.
I learned that I would not be getting a Skoll Scholarship, the sought-after full cost scholarships for social entrepreneurs studying the MBA at Oxford. I had interviewed for it, which I thought it was about a 5/10. Most of my contacts also shooting for the scholarship felt the same way about their interviews - lackluster. Still, for some odd reason (Baker stubbornness?) I always thought I’d get it. It was far beyond the money, I had considered myself as one of the people who would represent the Skoll Centre with this. Dangerous, I suppose. And now facing full fees of the MBA, I’m terrified of assuming the debt required to take this program. And wondering, once again, if it’s worth it (on balance, still yes, but with a great deal of added uncertainty and trade-offs).
More profoundly, this disappointment triggers a full rethink about my career. I will not be able to continue wandering the world, searching for the highest impact role, regardless of salary or profit potential. With an additional 90,000 USD of debt, I will not be able to embark on some of the post-MBA social start-ups currently floating around in my head. I will not be able to take such a risky path, one that could exceed all expectations or crash.
It’s time for more self-interest.
It’s time for more convention. It’s time to consider salaries and more grounded career options, to pay for this fucking thing. It’s time to base myself in Vancouver (or at least North America) and make some real money. This, counter intuitively, is very discouraging. I love Vancouver and like wealth just fine. I just disdain being limited by these. Now I am.
So far, thanks to Canadian prosperity, ambitious friends and highly supportive parents, I’ve been able to find and follow opportunity, with less thought to my own long term financial situation. Truth be told, I enjoy some toys, but don’t need much to be happy. But it’s hard to imagine carrying such debt. If I pay one thousand dollars per month back for this degree, it will still take me 8 years. One thousand dollars a month for 8 years. Would that be worth it for you?
I’ve dealt with disappointment before. I know the process. It still cuts. But it helps to struggle to keep it in perspective. I still have supportive family and friends. I still have my education, drive, knowledge and experience. I still have my health. I’m sitting at a water conference in the UN building here in Addis while writing this, listening to generally boring papers. Beyond the compound there is a sea of rusty corrugated tin roofs, just a few of the many urban marginalized people around me. I could be living under one of those roofs.
I could have a family living 7 to a two bedroom shantyhouse like Asegadech, which will soon be bulldozed, leaving them with even less. It seems awful to be torn up about even having the shot at so much money, thinking about how hard they work with much less.
I could be one of the rural health workers I visited a couple weeks ago, working hard to keep people healthy, without even enough funds for a stove top boiler to sanitize equipment.
I could have substance abuse problems.
I could have mental health issues.
I could have family problems.
There are many worse situations than this.
In fact I’m damn fortunate to have such a disappointment. To have so much that has helped me get to such a disappointment. So I’m a very lucky person.
Just one who needs to keep reminding myself of this for a couple days as I rethink how my next decade works out.
B
Note: after writing this I learned that a friend of mine got one. I’ll let this person announce it to their world, but needless to say, Oxford could not have found a better investment in their 90 thousand bucks than this person.
Another note: apologies about the lack of more broadly applicable posts, and the lack of anything yesterday. I like using this blog to talk about things around me a lot more than to talk about myself. It’s just sometimes good to vent as well.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Brendan,
So sorry to hear you didn’t get the scholarship. Although I took a much different route in life (30 years out of college now), I can understand your disappointment. As I read your post, however, it occurred to me that you can turn your Oxford MBA education-to-be into a pure win-win for the world and yourself. The last book I finished reading was The Blue Sweater by Jacqueline Novogratz, founder of The Acumen Fund. That organization is doing some amazing things funding social entrepreneurs in the developing world (India, Africa, other places), and they employ an investment approach that Jacqueline calls ‘patient capital’ which I think is truly revolutionary. If you haven’t already, you should check out their site (http://www.acumenfund.org), read The Blue Sweater, and consider what good things you could do working for such an organization once you acquired your MBA.
Just a thought. I wish you all of the luck with whatever you do.
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Hi Bob, thanks for the note. While I haven’t read The Blue Sweater yet, I do know Acumen, and support their approach and work 100 percent. They recently posted an opening for a Marketing Director, one of the most interesting opportunities I’ve seen in awhile.
The question I now see is this: with such a debt load, can I afford to work with someone like them at the salary they can afford to pay me? Although I firmly believe MBAs offer very valuable skills, they are priced for people who will make craploads of money afterward.
Things to think about, thanks.
B
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Brendan,
You should start a conversation with them, maybe even Jacqueline herself. She’s on twitter at @jnovogratz and seems to be pretty accessible. I believe strongly in communicating your questions and thoughts when musing about career. There are so many people willing to lend an ear and to give advice.
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Yo… sorry to hear that the scholarship didn’t pan out. Seems that getting that kind of education that will give someone (you) the skills to ‘do good’ (an overused, wide ranging but sometimes appropriate term) is limited by what that person will use the degree for.
But sounds like the silver lining in this may be a reexamination of what those next steps are. Education is a great thing and one of the most supportive learning environments you can find, but it isn’t the only one. There comes a time where the acquisition of knowledge transitions to the application of it. Not saying that you haven’t been applying it to date.
$90,000 US for a program is ridiculous any way you slice it. They’re insane not to take you.
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That’s too bad. However, it occurs to me that rather than returning to Vancouver to make money you could assume the debt, get an Oxford MBA and use that to make money. If you got one of these high paying jobs after the degree, you could pay off that debt quickly, get some highly respected private sector experience, and have a fantastic background for doing almost anything you want.
On a personal note, I’ve assumed a huge amount of debt from law school. It certainly limits my post-law school choices given how much I have to pay back. However, the resulting degree and experience will allow me to pursue so much more than I could ever have otherwise. And, as you have demonstrated time and time again, your innovation just might find some impressive ways to leverage your MBA and the experience you get at Oxford into an opportunity that may not even be on the radar right now. Just some food for thought.
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This is a blessing in disguise. It opens up so many new options for you. I really think Oxford is over-rated and that no human being should have to pay so much for an education. It speaks to the sadness of our world, that some will never see $1000 while others will be educated for a fine sum of $90,000. I can think of many things I’d do with such a huge amount of money, and I don’t think an MBA would be one of them. I bet you can do quite a bit in your life with the education you already have. I love school and learning, but I am all about doing it affordably and reasonably, these days. Pick a local school, pick classes that suit my artistic side, work a small job, study part-time, and be sane all the way through. I hate being insane and in school and to make matters worse, insane and in debt. No debt is worth it. None. Lots of joy can be found in being free of money, in the debt-free kind of way. Here’s to me! Broke but debt-free and happy. :-)
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All of this coming from the guy behind 3 Bucks for Brendan? What, about to give up because it could take you just a handful of years to pay off an investment in a keystone to your future? Where’s that “Baker stubbornness”??
Like Shea suggested, the lack of a full-ride scholarship does not preclude you from pursuing your next crazy project, it merely frames it within a different context from which you were hoping. It’s perfectly understandable to be disappointed about not having $90,000 once the (reasonable) chance was there. But I don’t quite understand how the lack of free money means the closing of future doors that aren’t directly dependent on your personal debt-load, especially considering how little full-time employment you’ve had in the last 6 years as it is. Don’t let something like this stand in your way now.
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Well….anything is possible. It just might be a bit different this time around. I came over with enough funds for 6 months and barely enough to cover tuition. I work part time in a cafe and sell my photography for a bit of extra income. I will probably do care work in the fall until I find a better paying job. It is humbling but I get by and still manage to find time to do my masters work. I still enjoy my life here.
The debt sucks. The fear that it will not pay off sucks too. But these things seem to work out and if you really think going to Oxford will change your life and help you get some where you really want to be then just go. Its just money. Invest in yourself - I believe that is what you told me once.
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My two degrees left me with about 90K of debt. They are mostly government loans, which means I can defer them when I am broke. It hasn’t limited my life much; I’ve been able to take unpaid and poorly paying jobs. Without the education I borrowed for, I wouldn’t have had the amazing opportunities I’ve found. So it was the right choice for me…I just don’t really think about my payments every month or when I will finally manage to pay them off (20 years from now I think.)
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That really does suck, but it seems that you’ve rebounded somewhat since then, based on your new post. I appreciate your optimism and willingness to see positives, even if it is little things like being able to change the colour of the stripes on your shoes (which I also think is pretty cool - are they velcro on?). Based on your previous methods of fundraising I think you’ll end up coming up with something…
On a completely unrelated note, I just noticed that your old trail, “natural high” is featured on the new raceface cranks, as a topo map with the old school fromme trails are printed on them… pretty neat. Right up there with Ladies Only.
Lots of love,
Li
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It’s tough to see the trail label, I think it must be right down there near the BB. Sweet cranks, either way.
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damn it! I can’t make the image work… how come I could use html fine when I was 10, but can’t seem to now?
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Mass reply.
First off, thank you everyone (and those that have emailed). The support is huge. And the intelligent comments, on all sides, illustrate why it is a difficult path for me right now. Here we go:
@Bob: great call to contact Jacqueline. She will have great perspective on this. Thanks.
@Steve - probably a positive spinoff, yes.
@ Shea - my dad, now a judge, made that same point about law school - how many enter with the best intentions, but after all the cost, can’t act on them afterwards. Very good point.
@Violana - your points are spot on, and much of the reason for my hesitation. But, at least at this still-somewhat-selectively-naive point in my life, I want to do positive and impactful things, on a wide scale. Not just be happy, or content. I could easily live in Whistler and snowboard without an exorbitant MBA. But I wouldn’t be able to change what I want to change. That’s the main lens through which I’m viewing the whole thing.
@Jen and D - the old ’slap in the face’ approach to motivation! You’re both wise.
@Alana - I actually really appreciate your perspective on this, given your path and how you seem to see your role in the world. Folks, please check out her blog for a bullshit-free view of development: http://www.bloodandmilk.org .
@Raff and Li: Nice. Do you think RF should hook us up with cranks, given that they’ve used our trail as decoration? I’ll have to have a word with Jonnny S about this…
Again, thanks everyone.
B
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Hey there, I was reading “Top tips from Africa’s entrepreneurs” http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7934763.stm
This one made me think of you:
“Formal training can help. But businesses are driven by passion and innovation.
Even if I’d been to the best business schools, my business would still be driven by my goals.”
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